inHeaven~

2006-09-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

as the 308th post.

silentdancerx.blogspot.com is byebye

(:

but hey i still love my blogskin. (:

here

remember to relink!!

i might be boliao enough to change my ELJAY one too. i duno. (:

2006-09-02T23:45:00.000+08:00

(:

it hasnt been like that for awhile

love.

2006-08-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

i actually like chewy. (:

snigger.

erh? i got postcards. 1 from japan and 3 from like finland. but they're all so awesome i must send back more soon.

hurh. what else do i do huh huh. -looks confused-

i has to do lit essay now. sighs. ):

im tired.

2006-08-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

"amusingly and superficially talented yes, deeply and importantly no."

(:

bleh. weird things do happen. its a long story.

im getting attached to this little girl at tbcc called huang sui. (she has a brother called huang see) but she's so sweet and she has the loveliest double dimples. and she's k2... (x and she asked me how to spell pizza and her brother asked me to spell plaza at the same time so the brother spelt plaza as plazz before i made him change it.

but ohdear she's so sweet and adorable. although playful. i think billy's so quiet. sok mun has a lovely but scary vocabulary and she really is sweet though the only way she knows how to send pictures to someone else is via email or the internet. ^___- and kenneth is blur but (x and calvin is very amusing and enthusiatic.

but huang sui!!! she's so cute and she went to the door and yelled byebye to me and shao when we left tbcc. (: i shall buy them sweets for nextnext week. they really are darlings.

2006-08-25T21:27:00.000+08:00

for lack of better words

- - sorrow is better kept in the heart than released in tears.

well.

2006-08-25T20:30:00.001+08:00

o.O my little brother had her first session with a fu dao yuan today. (: i wonder how it went. apparently jasmine found *her* interesting. i found mine nice but rather silly. cK apparently found hers nice but. eh. not very er. substantial. if you should put it that way. shaowen found her first guides unofficial session rather dumb. so. evidently they arent being the most effective.

and apparently our batch is a super depressed angsty emotional batch. lessee. me, lynette, shao once upon a time, jasmine, i think yingming too and quite a few "undiscovered" ones. i dont think any of us would actually go up there and er. "okay im depressed. counsel me." ^__- i dont think we really need. or want it anyway. ^___-

i saw xiaodi being spoken to by laoshi last. last friday. i think. ah. she talked to me later to tell me about what happened and stuff. hmmm.

-twitch- and besides. by no dumbness do we ever go tell any teacher that we're depressing and have a crapload of problems and that we're going to collapse and die. because the only thing teachers are capable of. is picking up the phone. dialling your home number and asking for mom. and besides that teachers prove themselves to be fully capable of telling *other* students about our problems. though maybe without direct references to *us*. how then are we expected to trust them wholeheartedly completely and tell them the absolute truth.

which probably explains much of the "its okay" to everything that -they- ask or just staring blankly and listening to -them- say their bit about its not the end of the world alot of people still care for you dont you know that you must be strong and not do silly things.

and of course there are always times other people dont understand why we do what we do. dont understand that problems may have surfaced (or been caused) at places closer to you. hurt caused by people closest to you. and sometimes ~~people cause it indirectly~~ you just cant help it. so of course they become all politically correct and goes and calls mummy for you and then at home? boom you die even more. its not so much helping than "huo3 shang4 jia1 you2" -- but people who have never experienced it would never understand. of course.

besides people deal with problems and stress differently who is anyone else to criticize.

to my dear little brother: i hope all went well. sorry i couldnt have sat with you and given you moral courage throughout. i know its very difficult alot of times and i dont know why you choose to do it either but i wont try to stop you. because i know you cant make me the promise that you wont ever do it again. but just remember little brother, that dajie is here always. (: i may not understand enough to counsel. but at least im here for a hug.

- - because our batch's alwas never been as intelligent as our seniors nor as "mature" as our juniors. or so it seems. - -

sidenote: not directed at anyone.

and anyway. BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S!!!!!!! -SQUEAL- moon river...!!!! (: ahhhh. of course the ending got all cliched with her running after him in the rain and kissing in the rain (with a cat squished in between) but... my gosh it was so funny and nice and touching!!!! although stereotyped with mr yunioshi and all that but. BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S!!!!! okay so now we only have to finished watching. er. pygmalion and sylvia. though mrlee insists on forwarding the R(A) parts of sylvia.

i miss daddy. (:

2006-08-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

my postcard to estonia arrived too!

now why is those to US, germany and netherlands taking forever...?

hmmm. well. ive finished log written assignment. (:

but im like rushing math portfolio and hoping i make it in time for friday. and i really should dig out all my like. "good" worksheets tomorrow and dump it in the file and all that. heehee. (:

naw. im not all that happy. i was exhausted in school today. at least. while in the morning i was. and i had a terrible headache from er. lack of sleep. i think. but no matter. haha well.

we koped tngser's lunchbox from her yesterday afternoon so that we could pack the [new] haha crab back in it (without telling her of course) and then we dumped the er. toothpick thingy in her bag. and today we were like. eh. did you notice anything. then she was all. i lost my lunchbox.

and of course me and shao and deb like got all hysterical and she finally figured out what was going on.

on another note. we put 12 mentos into diet coke. (: it created a fountain that went higher than shao's head. wo_Olie korkor has a video. in case you're thinking of trying it. use mint mentos. that's one. two. use diet coke. three. er. dont do it indoors. in fact. dont do it anywhere you want to keep clean. AND. master the art of running away quickly.

hehheh. we're trying to make the bottle explode by like using fruit mentos and then capping the bottle. because apparently the reaction's supposed to take a longer time so we can leave it capped during chem class and then in the middle just suddenly... BOOM. (: so cool. but no. id be in pain from all the stickiness everywhere. it can travel up, it can travel far just as well. ):

ahwell. ): i want someone to talk to hmmm.

2006-08-22T20:39:00.000+08:00

not wishing to go through this a second time dont want to repeat the same mistakes i did.

my postcard to finland arrived. (:

but anyway. i just decided today during chem to write out all the topics i have to study for math, bio, chem and ihumans and i was like. O.O maybe i should cry or something already.

18 topics for math. we still havent finished ~2 to 3.

11 bio topics ive finshed revising at least 5. 2 topics not done yet.

8 chem topics. 1 not completed.

5 ihumans issues. 1 not completed.

at least. AT LEAST. ive started revision. i decided to scare shao by showing her my not-very-little list and furthermore i hadnt included the revision topics for geography (which she does but i dont) yet. thus its a good reason for all of us to start mugging with the 37 days we have left before eoys. not counting today, 36 days.

nonetheless i shall feel like a sore throat now.

ahwhateverr. i shall run off to hide somewhere safe and welcoming. ):

2006-08-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

you make me want to cry buckets of tears

im not holding back what i want to say anymore.

2006-08-21T20:22:00.000+08:00

-general feeling of apathy-

i have phlegm stuck in my throat. i have 5 more chapters of bio to revise for eoys. i finished volumetric analysis. did. spa something. but anyway. i finished it. i dont want to see nah's face tomorrow (darn we have chem lab). i dont want ih test tomorrow not after a horrible workout at the gym during which my biceps enlarged. slightly. i have an elbow joint rash. again. ): and i feel irritated. by nothing at all.

or maybe there's just something but i cant put my finger on it.

something feels wrong for i have no homework i could do. no existing homework. yet. at least. my log and ln are coming along fine thankgoodness but i kept falling asleep during SIL today. i was groggy while playing some drawing game with lynette. she draws some random thing and i continue the picture. and i drew lots of weird stuff. and amazingly fell asleep drawing some of them. (proof that i am in need of sleep) but anyway. went to get sugar during lunch. took sugar. took isotonic drink. got decently better. finished revision of bio during LA because mrlee was away at acsi doing english oral for o levels (as to which i hope jtan and swest-ik will be away for (again) this thursday). packed off went shopping couldnt find a notebook i liked even at the pretty notebook store. or times. ate at mcdonalds for all im supposed to be dieting. no i am not anorexic no i do not binge. i just eat when i feel like it and food ingested stays in until egested. excreted. whatever. anyway. went for gym and did bicepcurl and tricep thingum and went home for dinner and here i am i guess

- man my life must be so boring.

i wish to see shannon and isabelle and what's that baby's name again. especially isabelle and baby coz they're so small and cute. (: isabelle's 20 months and very clingy. and baby is a few months and blur. but she smiles like an angel. maybe i should go be a foster mommy someday too when my children are like old and have abandoned me. i love it when isabelle smiles when dip her over the bed and she clings onto me tightly. and she looks adorable in a white ripcurl cap since her skin is so fair. it falls over her eyes for sure since she's only so small but yes. adorable. (:

erps. laoshi asked me if i was okay today and i was like "hai2 hao3" for everything. gong ke. hai hao. jia ting. hai hao. shen ti. hai hao. ai qing. hai hao. then here she was like "you ai qing ah" then i just said hai hao and then tngser starting laughing. then she asked if i still did some stuff and (obviously) i said i didnt i wont be dumb enough to like say i do ^___- not that i do. but it really isnt the point is it. then she started saying everything must kan de kai and all that and i was just staring at her and saying hai hao. hurh. foolproof method already.

2006-08-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

i rubs my eyes.

thank you lynette. (: she asked me a weird question on friday night. we just happened to be having one of our rare sensible talks when she's not sajiaoing or demanding for chips and im not trying to appease her or aggravate her. rather we were talking about some stuff and all that. and i mentioned something about not confiding in [thesame] people i used to. and not many people and she asked if she could 'apply' to take that position.

- - its one of the nicest questions anyone has asked me before. i just failed to mention it till now.

hmmm. man utd is winning 3 - 0 against fulham now. according to zhengxuan at least. (:

haha. er. ohwell. i still dont know how to do volumetric analysis.

and i need to remember to print out stuff.

i expected some 'her' to tell you sooner or later.
at least i expected s - - - n to tell you.
but no id rather not actually.
i dont think i could say anything of value to you.

2006-08-19T10:12:00.000+08:00

hm.

congrats to LIANN for becoming council vice-prez! (:

(which also means we get to sit in the audi during pref investiture next year)

in any case. i have no idea how to do er. volumetric analysis. at all. completely. so im not going to do it. and copy from people on monday. (:

and i dont wnat to do applications of logarithms now which means ive basically finished my weekend homework except for IHSIA WHICH SHAO AND DEB COULD YOU TWO KINDLY DO ALREADY.

urk. i suppose that means i should do either bio extra credit or go do revision. as to which for now i shall embark on the latter. toodles.

2006-08-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

hui shi is pissed

- - and sad

- - and hurt

all at the same time.

2006-08-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

you wont understand why i do what i do.

you wont understand why i feel what i feel.

you dont seem to understand i have a heart. i have feelings. i have a fuse.

i hurt. i cry. i dislike. i resent. i hate.

but you dont understand.

but okay. i give up.

i'll never do anything bad to her. never touch a single precious hair of hers.

-- i wont even go within a 50 metre radius of her.

will you feel safer then? that im so far away from her that i cant touch her. cant bully her.

so she'll be safe

-- while im suffering.

2006-08-17T20:30:00.000+08:00

you know he's gonna resent you for that dont you?

actually, i dont. or at least, i choose not to know. i prefer to believe he wont.

o.o i need to get a grip on myself and quit depressing like i am.

just hurting myself more than i should.

- - but she'll never stop irritating me. yes. without trying. and not directly her fault either.

she just does. like people whom you just get along well with for some reason. she just irritates me for some reason.

and. i'll never forgive her and i'll always --

be waiting for j1 when i can at least. not see her face or any traces of her for one year. its just one year. but its gonna be a good one year for me.

o.o yes i feel cruel.

but so God save me. like i said. i have no idea why ive become like that.

i could forgive *certain* AC guys last time despite the insults they hurled at me. names i was called. what makes it any different now?

maybe coz. there's a form of indirect emotional attachment now.

between me and her - - through people around me; close to me.

people whom i find i can no longer trust.

2006-08-17T12:44:00.000+08:00

there's so many things happening around me and i feel like all i can do is to sit back and watch it happen.

people say take control - i only ask how.

there's so many things i need to catch up on but so little time to actually catch up on them. sometimes the only thing i want to do is to run away from it all.

i finally completed all my overdue homework with the exception of sia.. and at last im advancing on to homework that is due in the [very] near future. i feel so drained from all this work. xS

ohyargoahead call me a weakling. i know almost everyone faces this workload nowadays. but that doesnt stop me from complaining so much.

like i was saying to shao just now - i wonder why ive changed so much from who i used to be.

staying alive

2006-08-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

-halfwayhome

like addie says. im not a good person to cross.

-- i have no idea why i got this way. i remember being more forgiving.

bu zhi dao wei shen me zi ji hui bian zhe yang.

maybe because ive learnt that hatred runs deep. at least. it is now.

i remember never hating anyone simply because i believed it was wrong to hate.

and yet -

ive never felt hatred this deep, i guess.

and im not sure what brought it about. -

the people i considered. closest. -- or just myself.

surprisingly

forgiveness - is such a hard thing to come by these days.

and you. are someone i never will. forgive.

2006-08-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

the mind knows reason the heart does not know

-- ive never felt this unloved by the people around me before.

thank you mommy

hatred is an emotion i dont believe ive felt before - - till today.

ironically its someone who seems to me is going to be another claire soon. fantastic. brilliant. admirable. even.

or at least. that's what i learn.

i wish my path and hers never crossed.

and i could leave all of you on her path.

i could make it on my own.

-- id have been a happier person.

2006-08-15T20:26:00.000+08:00

- simply because i just sneezed 5 times in a row

my nose is still a leaky faucet. and i still need a hug.

i shall be bundled up in 5 blankets and surrounded by pillows without the fan and aircon on tonight and hope it works. maybe some fresh air would do me good.

the only nice few hours in school are often polluted by a certain bright colour i will decline to mention here. no. it doesnt make me happier. despite it being bright.

-sneeze- okay. second leaky tap just came on. urk. -squishes nose away-

i guess sometimes you need to try to smile even when the sky's a dark grey. maybe even black.

thanks my dearest bestest daddy. for 'feeding' me when i refused to eat with a sore throat and being all patient with me despite me being so angsty and all these days.

thanks addie. but actually i can kill even when im sick. but still.
thanks alvin. i often resist your attempts to cheer me up coz you're always too logical. bt thanks.
thanks produces of [space race]. and wernher von braun and the american guys - alanshepard, gusgrissom, neilarmstrong, etcetc. and sergei korolev and the cosmonauts yuri alekseyevich gagarin and vladimir mikhailovich komarov and alexei leonov, etcetc. for giving me something to learn about and feel for.

my emotions are on such a big hold nowadays sometimes i think im completely numb. it is said. when it hurts so much it couldnt possibly hurt anymore, the tears just stop flowing.

yet. except when gettng pissed off with jtan. ive just been all angst otherwise. - when did those tears stop flowing. when did i become so afraid of those feelings of vulnerability...? when did i start learning how to pull out the knives people stab in my hearts with clenched teeth instead of tearful eyes? when did i decide to stay strong against whoever let me down rather than to just cry?

a part of me wants the old huishi back. the one who would just cave in and cry and all that when something happened. but another part of me wants me to stay this way. outwardly strong. unforgiving.

when michael and i broke up i told him before a lost love can never be found again. it stays true. even now. but i didnt think it worked on other relationships too.

2006-08-15T18:10:00.000+08:00

i feel so full of angst.

no matter. im allowing the world to irritate me and thus getting irritated. call me a dumbass. i dont really care anymore.

in addition. today was a perfectly lousy day.

first off. i have a very runny nose and a terrible sore throat. i felt like puking all throughout the day and stil got accused of sleeping in lit class by jtan. i wanted to yell at him but common sense kept me from. of course later he was like "oh you can rest your head on the table its fine" when i told him i was feeling unwell. and my nose is still running. and my throat it stil hurting. and if you think that's stopping me from eating chocolate. no. i just ate some chocolate.

is stupid. the way i do this to myself. the only thing ive done to ease what my irritation lately is to watch people die on the space race. no it doesnt give me pleasure. it gives me half enough reason to continue living.

i wish i wouldnt gt so pissed easily these days. with everything and everyone. i need to kill.

2006-08-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

hmmmm. paragraph dedications today.

firstly. thank you to my sweetest king who's been helping me with my homework all day and cheering me up so i live through the homework and dont drown in it. thank you so much :) i know sometimes im awfully unreasonable and irritating and pissed off but yeah thanks for bearing with me all this while. thank you. -hugggggg- we're gonna reach our anniversary soon! :) it feels like such a short time we've been together. yet so long. :) we has a longlonglong way to go together.

mmm. im still disappointed in you. i cant forget what you did. or at least. it just keeps coming back. i wont ever understand the reason you did what you did. or why you could forsake this little sister of yours for her. zheng xuan always tells me. that trust, once lost, is hard to regain. ive been betrayed before. of course. but the way you did it was a first. im not angry anymore. just disappointed.

i dont think you come here much. at least, i dont see you tag. but well. you were right the time when you told me that you'd lost touch so much so that you couldnt even tell when something was wrong. now. im not. angry with you. or anything. but sometimes i really wish you could be here and talk to me like you used to. except you arent.

i think you've noticed that im becoming colder and colder and more distant. with you. i dao you more often. i just dont talk at all sometimes. i get irritated easily. i dunno. most of the time it isnt because im that bugged or what. 'cept you havent been there. or at least. you've been with someone else. i get jealous too. ask zhengxuan. he knows i do. but maybe you dont realize it. im not cros with you. im just not close to you anymore.

eh. and you... thanks for being there. or at least trying to. im sorry i being so ... bad to you and all that. i guess. sometimes i just get irritated. and i dont really trust. people. so much more nowadays. but yeah. thanks so much. :) mei and kor always.

eh. thank for being there and. yeah. trying to help me work out stuff and all that. yeah. you're a nice kor. i guesses. i never used to like zhengxuan telling you stuff. i admit. x) but yeah. maybe i get why he used to tell you so much last time. yeah. :) birthday present still huh.

ohwell. that's almost about it all. i guess. i cut my hair again. except it wasnt 200++ but i like the way it was cut i suppose. i think. yeah. not gonna camerawhore. :)

2006-08-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

do i use a big huge F or a small f on you.

why dont YOU tell me yourself.

the asshole i thought i could trust.

i told you before - when it comes down to it. meimei doesnt really matter.

at least. that's what it seems to me.

to you. meimei doesnt really matter.

2006-08-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

//what would you think if i sang out of tune
would you stand up and walk out on me?
lend me your ears and i'll sing you a song
and i'll try not to sing out of key//

its been a few days of absolutely hectic activities you just want to kick off your shoes and sleep at the end of it all. maybe it varies for different people. for me. that's all i want to do.

national day parade on wednesday. i went to watch with my parents and little cousin. i put three tattoos on him. one of each side of his cheek and one on his forehead... he yelled at me when the one on his forehead reading "made in singapore" turned out screwy. yes my fault i didnt use cloth or sponge but i not know why it turn out so bad. the other two turned out fine

o.o anyway. it was his first time watching ndp and first time in the national stadium even. xS i guess it was a rather exhilarating litle experience for him since he couldnt stop talking about it. then his sister and him stayed the night at my house. and then woke up this morning at 7 and "jogged" to the food court some distance away to eat brekkie - roti prataa.

i bought salt and vinegar chips. :) i guess.

then watched my super ex-girlfriend with zhengxuan and bryan before waiting for sambor and then heading down to pasir ris park. eh yar. eh. played. got sweaty. got wet in the sea. er. cycled to pasir ris end. bought lychee ice. sprayed stuff on people. ate cake. got sand in my hair. er. whatelse. heh. that's all maybe. it was fun i guess. though few people.

sighs. yar well.

2006-08-07T12:39:00.000+08:00

like sorrow in a million years. i need to get rid of some angst.

i feel so irritated with everything. and no one more than me. ergh. sighs.

desire;

2006-08-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

i wish to -

plug in my ears and not listen to the words you're saying.

i want to say a very bad word now but i would get a scolding. yur.

i don't wish to go to school tomorrow and face the misery and the sorrow. but of course it doesn't do very much good to come back home when its just more misery and sorrow. oh what difference.

zheng xuan did scold me and i did do my chinese revision only i dont really know what to study for some of them. but hey at least i got some of it already. like the ai4 lian2 shuo1. and all that. hah. well.

i shall rejoice at the fact that we will not be seeing nah on the only two days of school that we are attending. monday and friday. but the thought of facing a hormonal angsty laoshi and subsequently a weirded chewy who keeps calling us her babies and "xiao3 bu4 dian3" whatever that is. ^_- it must be influence from laoshi.

one hour of math, two hours of chinese and langarts each one and a half hours of bio. half an hour of cme and integ.humans each. two hours of school based trash and one hour of phys ed this week. its gonna be short. i hope.

i do intend to begin my revision for bio. like maybe tomorrow or something, though i owe alot of teachers a bugload of homework which i havent even found the time to start doing yet (yes what am i doing blogging here now) but i have no incentive to do it and i dont see myself doing it in the near future. i ant wait for school to be out this year.

-- i feel like myself in someone else's skin.

2006-08-06T16:05:00.000+08:00

i probably just killed my black ink cartridge by printing out a year's worth of bio notes for revision. and i did something clever like print out a whole page of extra notes and cancel them out. i feel like such a success.

sigh.

well. maybe i shall go play soccer later. or maybe i shant. since ive decided to learn it i may as well make use of good money spent on the pitch as well as for coach. gee but then again maybe i shant since i have... basically almost a continuous few days of physical activity.

gym yesterday, gym tomorrow and x-country ~~run~~walk on tuesday. and then national day parade on wednesday which i am going to watch with my baby cousins. which basically is equivalent to endless walking and being flattened and violated by people front back left right. oh and of course smelling their sweaty backs. gee. not to mention i'll have at least ONE little boy clinging onto my hand which i really SHOULD NOT. and CANNOT lose in the crowd if not i die. x( and then party on thursday which should kill every remaining bone in my body. and then we have phys ed on friday. volleyball. and my thumb hasnt recovered from last friday's beating yet. it still hurts.

i had weights training at gym yesterday and my arm muscles and back muscles are still aching. as to which since we're on the topic of gym I HATE THE BENCHPRESS.

its the one machine in the entire gym that i struggle with and constantly die at. and of course my trainer takes to making it the first equipment she puts me on every single time i go. guh. sighs. i need to do revision for bio and chinese test which is going to take place tomorrow and i need the full 30 to salvage my marks. but i think i did badder in the last two tests that now. what did i get ah? i forgot already but i really really really should study for chinese. now.

but i dont want to. xS of course later when zheng xuan comes online and read this he's going to pop up in a convo window and make me study if not he'll dao me and get very angry with me. as to which that's a definite way of making me go study. which is only effective if applied by him of course.

did i mention i have like two-three kittens nestling in my backyard now?!?!?! two are brown and one is whitish black. momma came and gave birth here i dont know where she is not or if she feeds her children. i want to feed them but my mommy says no cannot. x(

i wonder if their momma will ever come back for them. they really are so cute. i threw a mini squishy soccer ball to them i think they play with it when no one's peeking. :)

i want kids in future too.

but anyway. back to bio. :(

chanyi: not funny seeing guys red boxers ehhh

2006-08-04T16:01:00.000+08:00

oh well. im just sitting here a few hours from leaving the house again so i can go out tonight!
:)

anyway. went to play soccer at the cage with alot of people yesterday. and daddy. and like two korkors. and lynette and shao and claire and noreeeeeny.

and sambor kicked a ball into my hip. and claire (self confessed) that she nearly kicked er. one of my korkor's groin. and james slammed into claire. (drama guy actually but very cute) and what else? and oh yeah seetow kept showing off his BRIGHT RED boxers. xS

but i guess we had fun. in general. hmmm. lynette. ever the silent player who kills everyone anyway. seetow if you ever read this stop calling lynette "that girl" please.

and anyway. Ace - who are you?

i laughs. i shall go wash my hair now.

byebye

2006-07-31T20:16:00.000+08:00

ohwell. i dont know what to say. hmmm.

i went to gym at california fitness today.

i have a personal trainer who costs bloody much.

eh. urm. i suppose that's it.

im sad.

2006-07-28T21:38:00.000+08:00

ohwell. sabbats week has come and gone. cosmology's been fun. soccer's been funner. and we asked for an intermediate level to be used as sabbats for sec 4. :) lets hope they can arrange it.

cosmology's got me interested enough. in all the space disasters and all that. anyone have the dvd/vcd for either Space Race or NASA - -something- and tragedies... its all awfully morbid since you get to see all the commands over the speakerphones and all and you actually get to see the spacecrafts crashing or exploding in mid-air and its all awfully traumatising. but very nice to watch. yesyes call me morbid. but i really loved being able to watch it and all. and of course i wnat a telescope an a trip to some quiet lonely dark countryside in th future to see the milky way and the little dipper and big dipper and northstar and orion and the star signs. :)

and soccer's given me highs this whole week. and also a good coach. singaporean pro soccer player who retired less than two years ago. 18 months approximately. yes. ive learnt how to turn. and all that. and both theory and practical stuff. hahaha i do like soccer. well.

hoh. guess that's all. hmmm. im tired.

2006-07-28T13:14:00.000+08:00

maybe sometimes life screws up because you allow it to screw you up. im confused sometimes. i admit. but im getting used to it.

so you've tried (and have) taken people from my life. and those people in my life sometimes -almost stupidly- follow without a word. its odd enough. but yeah. you're good. you can continue doing it. i wanna see how many more people you can take from my life. because you know what. the rest of the people im close to you dont know. good for you. and me.

frienship. its such a silly word sometimes its unbelievable. unbelievable that people can sit there in a circle playing some guessing games with the china students (and using my bottle too) and i can sit here quietly by myself and no want to or be willing to join. - like anyone really cares.

friendship isnt something that is reliable. and they're making a bloody lot of noise. i bet laoshi's going to come by in the next two minutes to shut us up because they're yelling and all that. but well.

-- when im lonely. there's two people i can rely on. zheng xuan. and myself. all those other people with the well-meaning words like "oh if you're sad come and look for me i will be here." they never seem to be there when you need them.

and isnt that always the way. she goes one way. i go the other. and all of you simply just follow her and leave me to my own devices. that's very encouraging. and that just shows me what a good and wonderful friend you are. just shows me how reliable a friend you are too. but my eyes are open now and i has nothng much else to say really. you're not a real friend. not one that will stand by me and weather the storms with me. because ive seen for myself how the only thing others have to do is simply to get close to you. and then. you're gone. - - - -, this post is meant for you. you should know what im referring to. good for you. you're close to - - - now. stay there. and dont come back.

2006-07-26T21:17:00.000+08:00

keep slitting those bloodied wrists

you wont die so soon.

you wont die so easy.

it takes alot to die that way.

you're in no position to judge me.

open up

2006-07-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

do you ever listen

do you ever understand

do you try to understand.

do you even care?

do you know what im going through

do you know what im feeling.

have you ever felt this way

does it matter to you?

the emotional pain to replace the physical one

2006-07-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

isnt it so damned funny when everytime i need a hug-

there's no one around to give it to me.

and everyone just daos me or is uncontactable or just contributes to it.

the feeling of being abandoned and forgotten isnt pleasant.

human nature - we learn to find alternatives.

rather than depending on other fallible-hearted humans.

-- dry your tears now. you're a fallen star.

boo

2006-07-26T19:17:00.000+08:00

you know im beginning to wonder what dunman is doing to tingz and all that. because if it can produce students who can say things like this:

I wonder how some people can be deemed "good people" when in fact, they ransack the stuff of others and take what they want without permission. Yet, they are so protective over their own items. They carry their entire bag along with them ALL the time, even though the chances of it ever being ransacked, lost of stolen is slim to none. ?These people are indeed bloody idiots and i have a good example right in front of ME! You are the ONE! Such a bitchy asshole who doesnt even dare to face up to the real world! It was a nightmare sitting next to you, listening to alll your bullshit. I know you might have stopped most of but but you still bullshit in your emails. Are you shocked by now? Well, this is the kind of language I use whenever I get pissed. ?I have said all I wanted to say to you. ?I don't care what is your opinion of me. From now on, I'm washing my hands off all this shit. ?FUCKER.

when they are already in the wrong. i dont really know what to say. dont get me wrong. i hold most of my dhs friends in respect. with the exception of this one. i shall not mention her name. how utterly disgraceful. the temptation to write in to dhs about this is IMMENSE but i shall not tattle. or attempt not to tattle.

anyway. today for cosmology we had this made up planetarium thing. so it was this inflatable thing which we crawled into and then the stars were projected onto the surface. it was beautiful. but when we were out and the rest were inside admiring the milky way and orion and the little and big dipper, we were like. "TURN OFF THE FAN TURN OFF THE FAN" because then the thing would deflate and trap all of them. and really its very hard to get out. xS

for socer we learnt how to do headers and shooting. and we kept laughing because the heading thing was so funny. we kept laughing. :) ahahaahha. i scored two goals this time. i feels happy. and daddy you always say i play so slow but i tell you in the cage speed is my asset okay. pbbbt. so there. and addie korkor. it IS VERY VERY VERY TIRING. and i almost fell asleep during tuition. but ohwell. but i cant defend. at all. really. oh and AND. soccer give me a high!!! i can be all moody and tired before soccer but after that i perk up. hmmm.

hoho.

2006-07-25T20:12:00.000+08:00

O_O being an astronaut/cosmonaut/tachonaut is scary.. VERY scary.

and to think of it being an animal is scary too.

okay anyway. today during cosmology we watched a show space race. (which helped to keep me from falling asleep) i was fine with the little race between the americans and russians with this this that and see who can put the first satellite in space and whatever for their competitiveness. BUT. i have lots to say. its a good show by the way.

okay. first. HOW CAN YOU SEND DOGS INTO SPACE AND LET THEM BURN UP. ITS INHUMANE I TELL YOU. okay see. the russians used to use dogs as like "tests" and sent them into space and then let them just DIE. okay so the first dog they sent up was named Laika. according to the show she lasted awhile and then died from overheating. I MEAN ITS LIKE SO DEVASTATING. to kill an animal

okay so the next two doggies they sent up came back alive.

the few in the next three didnt.

okay. that's not all. the AMERICANS sent up a CHIMP. and i was like O_O when they went like "... if chimp 65 returns safely he will be given a name. if he doesnt. he will remain just a number..." LIKE. WTH. A CHIMP DIES IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE AND YOU GIVE HIM A NUMBER. - he survived by the way. and they called him Ham. _ _

okay. then the first guy in space is yuri gagarin. he was really... amusing. he retured safely. though he was nearly spun to death during re-entry because i forgot what you call that wouldnt detach and was spinning wildly away. its scary okay. then came alexei lenonov. he was the first man to walk in space. he nearly died too because his suit inflated and he couldnt grab the line and pull himself back into the capsule. and when he managed to get back he was too fat. but thankfully he succeeded. the saddest one was vladimir komarov. somthing went wrong with the spacecraft and he had to steer it back to earth himself. the chances of his success was very low and they called in his wife to say goodbye and all. the thing is. he successfully guided it back into earth. AND THEN. his main and reserve parachutes failed and he died crashing into the ground with the force of a meteorite. xS

as for the americans. i dont like the first guy they sent into space. he was super... odd. alan shepard. who pees in his space suit la please. but anyway. there was this three guys. were testing out the capsule. sat in there and were trying to receive signals from the main station. then a spark came into contact with a pure oxygen atmosphere. one word. BOOM. xS

it really is so sad to see people and animals just dying like that in the name of science. and i never want to marry an astronaut. id die from worry.

okay. SOCCERR.

we learnt how to turn. we learnt three kinds of turns in fact. one is named after some dutch guy i forgot. the second one is some weird stepping over thing which makes it super easy for you to trip over your own feet. and the last one they call the ronaldo turn. i dont know why.

anyway. i managed to get them right. so there. :) i kicked a ball into my coach's leg. BY ACCIDENT. i kicked straight then he moved. its not my fault.

AND. i scored a goal. i feel so proud of myself now. :) i scored a goal! and my team beat noelle? i forgot. someone's team 3-1. and my team lost to linert's team 2-1 on penalties. because linert's penalties are lethal. there live not a goalkeeper who fears not the linert's penalty kicks. of the three penalties she's taken this time. she's gotten all in. xS anyway. we almost won. it was 1-1 when the game ended. too bad it had to go into penalties. sulks-

my injuries from soccer?
one hand when linert KICKED it
a sore neck
and a sore butt.

guh. i have never played three hours of soccer two days in a row. and im still going to have to for the next two more days. guh.

2006-07-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

the sun doesnt always come out after it rains. more often it just blows more rain clouds in.

2006-07-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

im going to do this in chinese because it sounds nicer and i think blogger doesnt allow chinese characters. sighs.

心烦。心总是那么乱。吃醋。爱上一个人的女人都是会吃醋的。为什么你总是不明白？为什么你总是无法体会我心里的感受。看着我每天都要掉泪至少一次，你很高兴吗？

2006-07-23T14:25:00.000+08:00

it hurts

2006-07-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

well. the best and only thing i could positively say about seminar today is. um. that it was dread(ed)fully boring. and that the lecturer's english was positively. terrible. guess `e needs an `enry `iggins to teach him how to speak proper english. like. instead of "the rine in spine stays minely in the pline" he learns to say "REACHED" not reach -ed. or TIRED. not tired-ed. and i never knew our principal's first name. myGOSH i want to like just. xS her.

but anyway. i was suffering from severe gastric pains through the entire talk. (at least i think they were gastric pains. o.o maybe i have liver cancer) but anyway. i was suffering from severe gastric pains throughout the talk though i managed to still draw the lecturer somewhat not like a caricature. but. just. as him. and of course the several ri guys who were quite obviously sleeping with their heads slumped on the table or heads lolling to one side or the other at some point in time. i was amused.

bt anyway. during teabreak when veryone was enjoying the LOVELLYYYY eclairs and stuff chewy brought me to the sick bay and gave me (overpowdered) milo and some veggie biscuits and was like "HUISHI! this morning i told you girls to take care of yourself right!" its weird how she keeps that weird smile on her face though she means to be serious. but anyway. i fell asleep in the sick bay for like half an hour or so before i woke up at like 450 and decided to go upstairs to join the seminar again.

according to alena some ac guy (whom i have a strong suspicion was kevin wong since he's the only one there who like. knows me. by name. at least) asked where i was. but anyway.

im getting used to the volley ball whacking me painfully on the arm. um. ouch.

soccer sabbats are starting on mondayyy! and we have debrief on friday. ohwells. i hope it'll be fun. like half of 311 is in soccer. the rest are like in orienteering&geog or something like that. yeahhuh. well. :) flashy shoes. im not sure if i can go with shao to get shoes tomorrow. though... ohwell. sighs.

i feel so busy next week because of sabbats ending at 3 everyday and then cca on tues which i will definitely be late for. tuition on wednesday. and i still havent had make-up class for THIS wed's lesson. amc on thursday and possibly cca cip on friday. which is unconfirmed. but i already feel sick from the schedule. and th best part is that the first day after sabbats week. its chinese test.

i feel so overwhelmed by all the work. as in. there's no homework. just. lots of schoolwork. and i want to cry. again. as usual. managing a few things at one time and realizing that im just human and not some robot like from the stepford wives who can do everything. one day i will die. and my mom hasnt let up on nagging at me a single day since last saturday.

- i do want to die. very much.

i dont like crying very much either. but seems everyday recently i just have to sit there and stare out the window for a moment or two before the dam holding my tears back threatens to break. i feel. so. emotional and vulnerable. and maybe i even hate myself for being that way. emo and vulnerable. its like always saying. i wish i was stronger. but knowing that i never can be.

i dont know. give me strength.

-- im having pains again.

2006-07-20T21:32:00.000+08:00

there are some times in your life you find that you feel so abandoned by the people around you. sometimes when you need them most. but of course. they dont notice. and they dont care either. sometimes you start wondering if you ever mattered to them at all.

ive tried to smile when there's no reason to smile at all. tried not to cry when i have every reason to. tried alot of things. when i shouldnt even bother at all. i tried. but its time i gave up. things you hold on to that you know will just fade away in awhile. simply because.

muh shoes. its nice. now. though it still looks flashy on the field. but its nice.

one of a kind

2006-07-19T23:53:00.000+08:00

you dont even realize you're making life difficult for me. have you ever tried doing it yourself. you say that i always give in to them. but alot of the times i give in to you guys too. and there's no definite way of guaranteeing everyone's satisfaction in everything.

besides im doing this for them. not you guys.

and i dont know what you three have up your sleeves. but knowing you three its never anything that i can call very nice. im not saying that you're mean. im just saying that you guys are just being the way you are when you guys work together.

and you're making me miserable with the things you guys do. maybe what all three of you do. and it isnt just confined to the three of you. alot of people in fact. i dont thnk ive quietened down alot very much but im alot more alone maybe.

its like just facing four walls evryday. just four walls and no openings. like a box. not even a crate. a box.and im just awful sick of it. the way you three go on like you do. i dont have to tell you guys anything now. not that you even really notice that im not talking. i dont think it really matters to you whether i talk or not either. you dont realize that something's wrong. not anymore.

but i gues that's just life and people. you walk in - and then you walk out.

mubba

2006-07-19T16:17:00.000+08:00

ah. hmmmm. shall i take a picture of my nice shoes and show them to you. aiyah. me being a [selective] neat freak i went and cleaned my shoes just now. though they're not very dirrrrrty yet. YET.

its still filthy. xS aiyah girl mentality la that's all. :) and it still has the smell of NEW SHOES. i shall take a picture of it when i have the opportunity and show you. :)))

ohwell. me and shao finally went to reset our log-in password. at last :) then we can stop using other people's accounts. ^_^ i think we were both just too lazy. nd anyway. when we were looking for the right person to go to to reset our password today, we first went to the control room. then they told us go science dept. which is at the other side of the school. 3rd floor. so we did. and at the science dept they said go to the math dept which is at the other side of the school nearer to the control room. because their staffroom is so bloody big their science teachers go sit near the math teachers i suppose. then from the staffroom they said go accounts office. which is like. downstairs. so we ran downn... paid... went back up to the third floor. and ran back to the opposite side of school to get back to the comp lab. xS ...

and we met chewy 3 times. 1ce when we were at the science dept. 2ce when we were at the math dept. 3ce when we went back up. she was talking to nah. and then the second time my finger got caught in the door. and it hurt. so i went "owwww" and she GRINNED at me. the sadistic woman. xS she can be quite friendly sometimes. but evil. yeah. evil.

that just reminded me to cut my nails.

well. cca tomorrow. i dont want to go. mommy will you excuse me from cca?

-sighs-

ohwell. :)

sockeee

2006-07-18T18:33:00.000+08:00

i have the most awesome BRIGHT BLUE and silver soccer shoes. its size 5.5. which daddy picked out. the silver is nice. its the BRIGHT BLUE that gets to me. but ohwell. its my fault for having such small feet so the colours are like so limited. the other size 5 one was dark grey with NEON YELLOW stripes. like. !!?!?!?! i swear i wil find some way to elongate my feet and then go soccer shoe shopping again and get like a LESS FLASHY and nicer shoe.

its so flashy it aggravates me sometimes.

but ohwell. then after that zhengxuan and i went to the field near my house to play. and he was trying to teach me to kick and do um. some rollover thing. and uh. cushioning the ball and making me dribble all the way to some tree and back. and then we tried some very wuliao one on one because he was playing at what he calls "darling pace" (which basically is just to suggest that i am VERY SLOW) but anyway. he kept laughing at me because i hardly manage to successfully tackle him. but if he tackles me. he takes like. 5 seconds. _ _"

BUT. i could play. so there.

but anyway. before we left we were like. stoning and drinking water and then there was this guy and girl from. so-and-so schools walking down the pavement nearby basically kissing and hugging each other all the way. and then suddenly the guy went down on his knees. yes. on the pavement in the middle of nowhere. then zx and i stared at each other and then we laughed a bit before i decided to start sulking. but anyway. 5 minutes later after we'd already reached the main road. i turned back and the couple was like. maybe about 1m away from where they were when we left. still hugging. xS

yay at least ive learned to play some soccer though its humongously lousy as it is now. :S but. I WILL IMPROVE.

i must have looked weird buyng the shoes. i mean. like. um. i looked quite dan chun. coz i was wearing a hair band and the only part that looked tomboyish was my bermudas? maybe. yeah. then i was buying soccer shoes... uhhh... i felt so weird laa. then people kept staring at me. haiyo. next time i go soccer shoe shopping must muss up my hair a litle and look more tomboyish then less people will stare then i can be happy. :)

i know what shoe daddy wants now!

:))) yays. i have a bright blue soccer shoe now. but i dont think i'll use it for like pe or what. coz. its. uh. BRIGHT. very. um. okay. yeah. :)

SUPPORT 311 FOR COMPETITIVE WALKING AT THE MACRITCHIE RESERVOIR ON THE 8TH AUGUST 2006 (its for cross country lahhhh)

agr.

2006-07-17T17:57:00.000+08:00

speaking of which. someone explain the new high school musical craze to me please?

after looking at it up down left right. -- i see not what is so fantastic.

Name 11 people you can think of right now in your head. After that tag at least 5 people to do this.
1. Zheng Xuan
2. Cherm (she made me do this blame her)
3. uh. uh. Shao.
4. Tngser (Rachel)
5. uh. Bryan korkor
6. AGH. Ms Chewy
7. Addie korkor
8. CHANYI
9. um. wo_Olie?
10. apple. okay no. um. Noreen
11. Debbie

1. How did you meet 10?> Noreeeeny? RGPS. but i dint know her very well then.

2.What would you do if you never met 2>? Cherm... UH. good question. id lose someone to bully. get lesser food stolen at meals she's around.uh. lose a good partner to steal shao's food with. uh. lose someone to gush about babies etcetc. uh. yeah.

3.What would you do if 9 and 11 dated?> wo_Olie and debbie huh. ^_- interesting thought. hmmm. if you think about it they might actually look compatible. BUT besides that. both are female. AND. they're like brothers. ^_-

4.Do you like 7?> addie korkor? OHOFCOURSE he's my daddys good friend. one of my daddys very good friends in fact. and he's nice. yeah. :)

5.would 5 and 6 make a good couple?> -swallows before bursting out into a combination of laughter and tears- BRYAN AND CHEWY?!?!! okay. first. chewy is like. not even in our generation. AND. she has a boyfriend. AND. she talks alot more logic than bryan. not meant as an offense to either of them. so please. NEVER.

6.Describe 3?> shaowie? she's kinda morbid. but nice sometimes. she loves to draw. and she's. weird. sometimes. and i steal her food. and she always says im too skinny.

7.Do you think 8 is attractive?> CHANYI? of course! where else does her daughty get her attractiveness from! :) [see mommy i praise you though you always time out me for no reason]

8.Tell me something about 2.>? Chermy. she needs to put on weight.

9.Do you know any of 4's family?> tngser ah. personally no. but i know she has a brother and parents. :)

10.Whats 5's favourite things?> bryan? mercurial vapor soccer. things. fma. i forgot the other one. xS uh. soccer jerseys? uh. yeah? soccer.

11.What would you do if 3 confesses he/she likes you?> Shaowie. id probably die from shock.

12.What language does 6 speak?> Chewy. lousy english. fluent chinese. probably can speak bahasa melayu. uh. how would i know.

13.Who is 9 going out with?> wo_Olie? oh wouldnt you like to know. she goes with everyone! *gasp* ^_^

14. How old is 8 now?> chanyi? younger than me. but OLD. 15 lah.

15.When was the last time you talked to 1?> zhengxuan??!?! heeeeeee. uh. like. 5 minutes ago. over sms? but talking ahhh... uhhhh... today during lunch.

16.What is 2's favourite band/singer?> chermy mah. o.o her latest is high school musical yet.

17.Would you ever date 7?> n-o. 1) he's korkor. 2) he's still korkor 3) he's my BOYFRIEND'S BESTIE LAH. 4) zhengxuan would beat him up.okay maybe he wouldnt. 5) I LOVE MY DADDY lah. 6) i dunno! the thought is kinda. odd. coz he's korkor.

18.Would you ever date 11?> DEBBIE. awww. no. 1) she already has a million other. uh. people to date. 2) korkor. 3) its just WRONG please. 4) dadddyyyy dadddyyyy...

19. Have you ever seen 2 naked?> O.o i dont think i want to either. that's wrong too.

5 People whom you want to pass this on to

i shall not sabotage the poor souls

and alot of stuff.

2006-07-17T17:19:00.000+08:00

argh did i mention how much i -temporarily- hate google?

i searched for some information yesterday and then i clicked on one and it was AUTO DIRECTED to a bloody PORN SITE.

-and it looked bloody gross too-

and i thought there was something wrong with the link i clicked. so i copied the web address to my address bar. and GUESS WHAT now its on my address bar. +_+" and it so SO wrong goodness.

ugh.

okay besides that i havent been blogging in ages but anyway. ^_^ its odd sometimes when you see memories of the past reflecting in a piece of paper. or okay in a book maybe. namely teenage.

and although i dont read ALL of what is in the magazine because half the time my eyes go googly and i dont know all the singers or whatever they interview. yes but anyway.

if you do read teenage. go read 'reality bites'. it says alot about 'cutters'. or at least it did mention the kind of cutting i was involved in previously. the kind that is all like. not suicidal. just to ease the "psychological" and "mental" pain. something most people -especially those who dont cut- would probably never understand.

-- but ive stopped. :) thankee again daddy. my greatest and harshest motivation to stop.

did he ever tell you he called me a coward for cutting before? yeah he did. and it was the kind of emotionless factual statements he makes sometimes that just either irritates you or sticks with you forever. with me it stuck. duh. TILL NOW. but wells.

but anyway. we had a school talk about BULLYING todayy. id like to say something better about it but it was pretty ... i dunno. by our standards it wouldnt actually be bullying. anyway. this so called 'jc guy' wrote in to our school n reported a case of bullying. between these two girls he knows. ^_- something about writing his numbr for free sex near coro. and then um the perpetrators of this injustice done said that it was. "so-and-so" who wrote her name next to his number advertising free sex. and said something about her sleeping around. ^_- on the whole i dont think i found it very nice. but somehow it sounds abit fictitious.

A doesnt like B. A & friends use her hp to prank call C and say that B used his number to advertise for free sex. C knows B personally. C is appalled. C confronts A. C tells A that B can sue them for slander. ^__- A says its not my fault. C retorts saying its just wrong. A repents. (did she?) C says okay i wont report to the school. C reports to school..

and in addition to that. C's grammar was beyond atrocious too. and of course he used sms-speak. which made the convo chatlog he sent quite... revoltingly hard to read. but personally. after so much crap. i think A just likes C and prank called him to get his attention. but C likes B and so he defends her against A. aiyohs.

to be honest. i still think. the chatlog he supposedly sent the school.

-- is 7 pages of trash.

but anyway. so called bullying. calling name. shooting off vulgarities... i forgot what else. but i know most of it. is basically familiar to us. like. uh. SHAO YOU I**** HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TO DO THAT! -WHACK ON THE BACK- ohyes she's going to run to sTieh or lChang or cmh complaining that i bullied her. in that case they'd be receiving more than 50 cases of bullying daily.

people practically steal hairties on a daily basis. so that means every long haired girl with a hairtie is going to burst into floods of tears and say OH I HATE YOU SO MUCH. IM GOING TO TELL THE TEACHER! ^_-

maybe i just havent experienced genuine bullying before.

but hey. i still alot of the so called 'examples' ARE fictitious.

daddy

2006-07-16T22:57:00.000+08:00

i think

i have

themost

wonderful

daddy

onearth

because

he'sgoingto

teachme

howto

playsoccer

AND

getshoes

forme

thoughikeep

tellinghim

nottoo

he'ssosilly

butyet

soadorable

-hugggggggggggggggggggg-

THANKEEDADDY!

2006-07-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

the world can go and bloody dwell in its own necessity

and i can continue screwing my life up more than it already is.

a lady's tears are only meant to be shed in happiness.

that sentence is 11 empty words with two punctuation marks.

simply putting it. bullshit.

i dont care how many swear words im using in this blogpost.

a fire is always put out by water;

just as happiness i only ever for a moment.

i should stop wetting the keyboard.

solitude.

2006-07-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

and why am i always the bad guy in your eyes.

everything i do is wrong. everything's always my fault. ive never given you anything for you to be happy about. never been able to comfort you when you needed.

then i only have one question to ask - why stay?

i dont even have the right to feel sad now?

-- its always temporary. its as if everything about us is temporary. shrugs. well i can never argue against you. i always lose.

i feel like one of those teddy bears in the store with pleading eyes and stubs reaching out in a half-hug.

-- and never getting the hug.

pathetic. that's the only word i can use to describe that silent. unsuccessful plea. and maybe you dont know but i have feelings too. i hurt too. i get angry too. its not just about you.

boo.

2006-07-12T20:30:00.000+08:00

my tummy hurts. i dont know why. maybe its been all the gastric thing ive been having lately. sighs. sighs... -sobbs-

ahwell. korkor's birthday tomorrow.

-- i dont know what to say.

-uh. sighs.

why do i find myself missing saying the three words to you.

say the words i wanna hear.

2006-07-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

love me;
and open your arms to me -
and teach me how to smile.

and dry my tears -
and keep me from the cold.

why wont you keep it that way -
why cant it ever be.

tell me you love me.

hahahahahahahacrabs

2006-07-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

will someone give me suggestions on how to tell my mom that i own a third of two haha crabs?

ohdears. xS

please da xiao and xiao da. dont moult while you're with me the chances of me knowing whether you're dead or just exoskeleton or whatever is. um low.

_ _"

ohwells.

haha crabs are cute.

i cant wait to see them again.

pwease?

2006-07-08T14:21:00.000+08:00

hahaha to all of you who havent already done it.

pwease do my daddy a favour:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=79572321435

thank you.

haha, crabs.

2006-07-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

school has cracked our brains.
-- either that or we were just too bored.
because you know what shao, glo and me did?
-- have you ever seen a HAHA CRAB.
those they sell at j8 with the painted shells?
-- well. suddenly we found them cute.
and then we adopted two and got a large tank for them with water basins and a house and cockle shell for its food.
-- it was expensive.

but anyway. shao took it home. its my turn next friday. i can just imagine what my mom's gonna say. crabs. haha crabs. TWO haha crabs. HUGE tank. geeeez. and the best part was that before we bought the haha crabs we went down to posb atm to draw money. ^_~

ahwells. zhengxuan's been sick lately. hrmmm. sore eyes and nosebleeds and a humongously bad cough which has been there since goodness knows when. and please dont expect me to 'not worry'.

okay anyway today at j8 i was being 'drama'-tish and so i was like observing people's behaviour in different places and all that. okay. so in prettypix. after we'd put shao through torture for the 100th time, we were cutting up the neoprints at the table when this. girl and this guy from goodness knows what school were like standing near us. and since they were queuing for a neoprint machine they were blocking the way and i made a stabbing action behind the guy's back. ^_^" but anyway. she started sajiaoing him for i dont know what. all i heard was. high pitched whining (zhengxuan i dont sajiao half that bad okay. hrmph) and shao was like "now THAT'S sajiaoing." hurhur. i could never bring myself to sajiao to zx like that. okay maybe i actually could but i wont.

and then we went to haagen daaz to eat icecream and i ate my favvy cookies&cream and then i was watching couples to came down the walkway i was seated next to. so this nj girl and guy walked out together and i was like "i bet you 5 bucks that's a couple." and then shao and glo were like. _ _ duh. since they were nearllyyy holding hands. but. anyway. the fun part was when two. uh. guys. came down the walkway and then i laughed hysterically and was like "maybe they're a couple" hee. ^_^

okay anyway. we got chermy another birthday present though she abandoned us to-day for her nus friends. but ohwelles.

---- and i still cant forget the haha crab. we have a blue one and an orange one. the blue one's called da xiao. the smaller one is called xiao da. and we bought three extra shells for it to tou tai huan gu. ^_^ so fun. go buy haha crabs.

i forced confessions out of a certain someone last night. and i found out he'd ~~liked~~ loved some other girl before (i have been devastated he lied to me) but ohwelles.

lockedaway`likestolenpearls

2006-06-29T22:49:00.000+08:00

- i told you so.

only ever when im sad.

im running out of thing to say. hurh.

i must be such a failure sometimes.

and its okay to cry.

its just not nice to.

coz your eyes bum out the next day

zheng xuan you broke your promise.

watermark

2006-06-27T20:53:00.000+08:00

i realized that ive taken to blogging only when im sad. because otherwise im devoid of emotion.

one day my comp is going to spoil again and when my uncle takes out the keyboard he'll see watermarks. and then it wont be because i drank water near the comp

but because of the teardrops that fell while i ws using it.

its like giving up --

2006-06-23T20:48:00.000+08:00

; it was like standing in a downpour -- acid rain
; and ive tried -- its not enough for you
; so what's it come to? -- just about the end
; nothing is ever like what it seems

ive wiped my tears on my sleeve and i'll stop crying now. i have lots to say to lots of people but i dont know how to. and i dont think i should either. but i'll say it anyway.

- i dont know what to say to you anymore. its like what my mom says. the more you talk. the more mistakes you make. shrugs. i'll shut up now. ask me no questions i'll tell you no lies. and ive been trying not to. but you never see it. never appreciate it. and it just isnt good enough for you -- im sorry. and ill keep trying but. i guess it really wont be enough for you. im sorry. -- im getting vibes that you've given up on me.

- you've walked out of my life. please dont do stupid things like walk back in when you've already walked into someone's else's. im happy to see that you care so much for her. im happy for you. please keep it that way. you said something about not really appreciating something until you lose it -- it applies now. =) all the best.

- thank you for listening. thank you for being there. ^_^ i guess i know our opinions differ muchly often... but yet it can be really quite like at others. but, thank you. really. i guess. im happy you're opening up a little more and all and. yeah. thank you for that. hurh.

- thank you too. thank you so so SO very much. x)) you dont know how much that meant to me. and. really. thank you. =)

- and alot more. but -- im too tired now.

and i never thought i made enough of a mistake to kill everything but apparently i did. and i tried to tell you all i loved you all everyday. and cared for you all everyday. i guess i'll never be able to make amends enough. i owe some of you stuff. i promise i'll repay it someday in my life. i thank some of you for your words, your encouragement. thank you for being there.

-- and the sky's the limit. but its so hard to get there.

well.

2006-06-22T22:16:00.000+08:00

and i wont cry over split milk
though the wounds take long to heal.

and...

you're right you know...
in fairytale land there arent secrets to be kept.
isnt any heart to hurt.
arent any tears to cry... but.
fake smiles on those plastic faces

just a screen full of lies.

maybe itd be better that way.
transferring all reality into a game.
perfecting it.
and you wouldnt call me a girl with a pure heart.
and there wouldnt need any apologies.

or sorrow. or sake at night.

and its like how it was expressed before
Cinderella Story. like i said
a screen full of lies.
Waiting for you is like waiting for rain
in this drought.

Useless and Disappointing

its the long walk home now.

goway.

2006-06-21T20:47:00.000+08:00

O.o

why is it that you want so much to be some people... but wish some people would just go away...?

gowayyy! - and i wanna tell so many people to go away but i never can. because i either cant bring myself to. or i simply cant.

well. its not always fun to have a stalker. or at least something vaguely resembling a stalker. and what makes it worse is the fact that he is younger than you.... and then again when you think about it an older stalker could do alot more to you than a younger one could. O_O okay. need to get scary thought out of my head. and though daddy's tried to tell him to just go away like twice i think HE STILL SMSES ME. guh. goaway. please. just go.

and. -sighs- i dont exactly want to tell you to go away. but. you know. the things you're doing. it hurts. the words you say. you know. neither of us meant for it to be this way. really... and. i dont know. i guess. you have every right to go away. it isnt like you already havent. but. well. i hope you still have someone to talk to that way. eventually. life isnt that bad...

okay. now. i wish to Heaven i could tell you to shut up and go away. but of course i cant because then id get into trouble. but yeah. you always shoot of your mouth and hurt me with the things you say but of course to you you arent. only the things i say are wrong. it goes on so often it doesnt matter anymore.

i wanna say go away. but i guess evidently i havent any reason too. and besides id get scolded and alot of other stuff which i dont like. anyway. and well im doing this for. someone. so. hrm. ah well.

im going to printscreen something for daddy first. xD

2006-06-21T13:10:00.000+08:00

The strands in your eyes
That color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains
Thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth --

sighs. cheesy love shows do this to me though i already know well enough that they're all fake.

nonetheless. nah is going to kill me when school reopens.

ah. sighs.

boo

2006-06-21T11:12:00.000+08:00

- - and its ALWAYS always when school reopens that i realize im going to get into a huge scrape coz i havent done something or the other.

lalala

2006-06-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

i bring to you stanford university epgy camp, english expository writing class of june 2006.

(From left, top to bottom):
Claudice, Aki, Larissa
Steffi (teacher), Aman, Jing Shan
Jing En, Jasmine
Lisha, Leon (Justin's below Leon)
Hui Shi (ME!), Joon
Yunxin, Michael
Viende, Bayle (teacher assistant)
the one on the railing is Danny (teacher assistant)

yeap. ^_^

boo

2006-06-20T09:05:00.000+08:00

xS i tell you okay blogs can really be so controlled nowadays.

-- im not even allowed to blog what i want to.

my knuckle still hurts and this morning i scratched it by accident somewhere on something and it started bleeding again so there. and it isnt my fault i tell you.

boo by anyway. im going out later! x))) go watch the omen. hmmm. cherm isnt allowed to go watch with us of course, considering the "context" of the movie. but i got shao! shaoshao! xD if not i tell you she'd kill me when school reopens about not calling her out at all. which is not my fault because you know i had course for two weeks.

hmmm. i havent talked to some people in awhile... ... ah. hm. xS i will get around to doing that soon.

ah. do you know there are some times in your life when you think a person has walked out. you feel sad about it at first and eventually you get over it. and then suddenly a long while later they start backing into your life again... and you go like. huh why? and with such weird randomised comments too. and well i hope this time im thinking more than i should and interpreting your words wrongly because considering your status i shouldnt be hearing such things from you. but anyway.

ahbuh. im still super cross with *a certain someone* whom i thought could be trusted but obviously proved herself otherwise. but anyway. devil with a smiling face they say.

eek. its raining and im cold. because im already all dressed and waiting at my granny's house to go out later coz im too lazy to change into home clothes and then change back.

eee... qianwei korkor is overstressing again as usual. O_O as is zhengxuan since he cant wake up though i called him. im going to guess that gabby korkor will be stressing too. sighs. boo.

my cousin shaved his head bald! okay la not really bald. but. that kind of poky poky hair because each strand is like 0.5 cm. actually. lesser than 0.5 cm. so its super fun to run your hand through his hair. ^_^ -conveniently runs my hand through his hair-

yays.

sighs.

2006-06-19T23:14:00.000+08:00

if you asked me to express what i was saying.
and gave me a hundred word limit.
i have no idea what id say.
because though you seem to be trying to help
i get the impression
you're just drifting further away.
skies dont usually get blue-r. just blacker.
the sun usually doesnt come out on a rainy day.
and its not making things easier.
dont think it will either.

-- my lips are like forbidden fruit.
-- they'd taint your pure ones.

*hershey's kisses

on another note i cut my knuckle today. by accident thankyouverymuch.

and i tried to bring you the picture of stanford university epgy camp. english expository writing class of june 2006.

but blogger wouldnt hear of it. so. shrugs. well.

hmm

2006-06-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

you know i feel like being a bitch now after being reminded about a certain someone and what she's doing.

which of course she hasnt quit doing since last year i wonder why her saliva doesnt run dry from all that gossiping.

but of course. im still waiting to find out the "inside source" which gave her that news.

i'll keep waiting. though i already have an idea who it is.

but. ohwells.

and you know. i wonder if she reads this blog for scandals too

because. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

and i have only one thing to say to you.

keep the hell out you're not welcome here.

boo

2006-06-18T18:19:00.000+08:00

to all the daddies out there be happy its your day! x)

on another note. my mom had to remind me to get my father's day present. xS and then she helped me pick out a shirt. and then she had to help me find a size. ^^ heh. -guilty look-

BUT anyway. its that time of the month no female likes. but at least it wont like clash with funfair because i dont imagine the school female toilets to be extremely clean. rather the sinks will probably be filled with junk and it'll probably be filthier than ever. so. x)

and zhengxuan. i has to take you to your daughty's (cheesy as in. REAL CHEESE) stall. and bryan since you're coming im so going to drag you along. and junyi you too. i think she wants to see her "uncles". -is amused-

uhmmmm. lemme seee... things to do.

contact sammi
contact *someone*
contact gloria.
AND
pay a visit to *a certain school* when school reopens.

-- dont you dare ask why.

home

2006-06-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

sometimes you have alot of emotions which you're trying to express. but you just dont know how to. i felt alot of things today. happiness. sadness. exhaustion. tiredness. i dont know. just many things. things 'cept hope.

stanford u. its been a great two weeks. though we came from different schools and. different parts of the world even. its been awesome. meeting new friends and meeting new people and having fun together. and maybe you know. its better that i didnt have like. friends i knew beforehand there. coz id probably just have been quieter... its like living up to other's expectations. yeah. i had fun. steffi, danny, bayle, jingen, jingshan, junning, michael, joon, claudice, aman, larissa, aki, leon, justin, viende, lenny, yunxin, and maybe even J and L. its been a short two weeks. but we've had fun. and i dont regret doing it in june.

mummy. sighs. sometimes i feel like i wanna tell her alot. but its no point coz she never listens. well. you know mummy. i wish you wouldnt yell at me just coz you're unwell. because im unwell too. just maybe not half as serious as you. why must you always scold me i dont understand. you never see that i try. you never do. and you know. mummy. why do you always think that everything is so easy to handle? you always wanted me to get the kids together during [parent's] days like perform and all. but you know its not easy? have you ever tried... or maybe you're different because you're an adult. do you think they really listen to me? and mummy. you know. i didnt go for stanford u in june because my friends were going too. because you know. they both didnt go. because they decided last minute to do it in december. that's why you didnt see my friend at the tea reception. that's why you didnt hear me talk about "my friend" in stanford u. did you notice? of course you didnt. i didnt do it for my friends, mummy. i did it for myself. i know. im not as good at the top few % of students in singapore. i know my results suck. i know everything about me sucks. because you keep telling me. you can stop now you know. really. i dont need to hear it anymore. and you know. you really shouldnt try to tell me what i should do in a relationship and what i shouldnt. because, you know. yours didnt turn out very well. if you did... then id listen. but it didnt. even you admit you want to run away if you could. and you know, mummy. i wish i could get the family love and comfort i want. and ive never called you names. but at least i know, what you say about me to your friends now. but you know mummy. im really awful tired. because ive tried. but its just never enough for you.

and. my moods been screwy of late everytime im alone. everytime i think. and ive been listening to too much. sad songs? i dunno. -shrugs- a little michael buble.

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone

...

I'm fine baby how are you??

booqianweiboo

2006-06-15T20:33:00.000+08:00

BOO.

its the last day of camp tomorrow can you believe it after so long. boos.

and how do i know im not going to get into trouble for this one - he hardly ever comes to my blog.

yes he has a very nice side profile and he looks um. interesting [?!] in this position.

but anyway. this is. qianwei korkor. he's from RI and he's my daddy's friend. and yeah that's how i knew him. okay. actually. more specifically. i met him when i was at daddy's party and he kept going "shi-hui-shi-hui-shi..." while we were playing pool which made me and daddy lose concentration. and i think after that daddy made him say sorry. which he did. and then i happened to be hyper bouncy that day so i was talking alot of rubbish and TYPICAL ri guy response comes every like 5 - 10 minutes. (with daddy as an exception).

but anyway. he's like monitor and PL and alot of other stuff and so he's super busy and all and i worry he gets stressed sometimes. very worrying indeed trust me. i get scared that he's going to get into depression and stuf and id be like O_O dont depress please.

but anyway. he's a nice guy and he supports. liverpool. yes. and he's super interesting. and the last time i saw him i told him he looked cute and then like he did the "im sure" thing which bugs me coz gabby does that too. xS but yeah. he's a nice guy. so be nice to him back.

pooh.

2006-06-14T20:12:00.000+08:00

i daresay the stanford camp is extremely fun. especially when the teacher steffi leaves us to "study time" which is basically anything but study time because like nearly all the guys bring their laptops and sit there playing counterstrike or listening to horrible songs. but of course me and my little daughty and some other girls actually sit there and do our work. ah. well.

but of course it still ALWAYS ends up extremely amusing because i have no idea what lenny and juns were looking at but it was apparently R(A) so i shall not question any further. nonetheless, it is really amusing to my daughty and i that leon and L were passing notes today. but i suppose that is basically because no one else is willing to pass notes with L now and the youngest girl in the class which i shall call A because i have no idea how to spell her name. but anyway. A refused to let L sit at the table with them today and she ended up sitting at our table which made me and my daughty extremely uncomfortable because she was like using x-ray vision and looking us from head to toe as if there were really something worth looking at. trust me, it is no fun being stared at like that.

oh well.

i shall save the juicy bits for later im d/lding pics now. x))

junyii

2006-06-13T20:23:00.000+08:00

well i decided to blog again since the other post. was. a. little. weird.

ah. wells. i will blog about my holiday to "matland" when the pictures from my uncle come in. hoho. they're funny. some of them. ^_^

im sure all of you will be happy to know i found more hair to flatten. my tongdang who uses CLAY. whee. it was fun. and then i flattened it and finally he was tired of arranging it again when i flattened it so he stopped using it. or at least he said he had no time to. but anyway.

addie korkor just called me a meanie i think i shall flatten his hair next. hmmm.

hmmm. dediicatiion...

my junyi korkor. seee he looks super vain in this picture hurh i think im going to get massacred for putting this one up. but. cough. and you can see abit of addie korkor in this picture too.

anyway i met junyi korkor through my wo_Olie korkor but you see he's not my direct korkor technically because wo_Olie's is his mei and wo_Olie is my kor so he eventually becomes my korkor. geddit? x))

but anyway. my junyi korkor is. 87% female. and i think he has more feminine emotions than er. masculine [?!] emotions. like. angst and all. but he's really nice to meimei and stuff. and he gives in to meimei alot too. though sometimes reluctantly okay.

and he suans me too. ^_^ i dont think im supposed to be happy about that but ohwells. he can be dao sometimes and signs of him being dao is simply when he has earpieces in his ear. yes. he has supremely weirdly lame jokes. but. x)

wells yes. that's my junyi korkor for you.

betrayal;

2006-06-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

hmm.

i must mention that gabriel doesnt look quite as blur as he used to. =) but which also means he looks less cute. but nonetheless. i didnt figure he knew how to play the piano though. hmmm.

on a heavier note however. betrayal is a very darned thing. i witnessed one such case today in stanford course with a girl of 15, whom i shall refer to as J. and of course, another girl. younger now,13, maybe, whom i shall refer to as L. and finally there is of course me and my bestie for the course, this little sec one ny girl i will call Y.

now, in most events there is always an odd one out, the unusual one... the one people talk less to... and in this course, the unusual one happens to be J. to us "normal folk", she was mighty peculiar for a 15-year-old. huge flower ornaments decorating her long but frizzy hair. short, straight fringe. a mild hunch. big round harry-potter-like-but-less-cool glasses. a tshirt tucked in till it nearly blocked a part of the picture in the middle of the shirt. old traditional shoes and long skirts. and she behaved weirdly to top it all off.

now lets move on to L. i wouldnt call her exactly a mild and demure girl to start with. i believe none of you would call a girl who names her crush (in the handphone) "hubby dearest" or "darling sweetie" mild and demure. (keyword: crush.) rather one who appears decently normal on the outside, she speaks rather unlike. in an ah-lianish way, so to speak. but anyway. she came across as. boy crazy. to speak the least. and it is not a baseless name-calling either, since she started sms-ing and liking this sec one RI guy called. - - - -, a rugger, evidently. Y's friend. and the reason being that he got 267 for his psle, is 16- something tall and is a christian. as to which i admit i responded rather inappropriately. i said that daddy and a few of my other kors would have to watch out then.

but anyway, to get on with it. L sat next to J one day by chance, since we swap seats every other day or so so we interact with everyone. and L started being very friendly towards J, writing notes to her, being nice to her and all that. all this while writing notes about how weird J was to myself and Y. of course J knew nothing of this. and Y and i found it normal really.

just today, however, we realized L had been passing the letters and notes that J wrote to her around the class, or at least the girls, showing it to everyone "for a good laugh" as she'd put it. upon hearing this Y and i couldnt help but feel extremely sorry for the victim of this cruel scheme. but we did nothing. for there was nothing we could really do.

but secrets do not last forever and they all surface eventually, in good or bad ways one cannot predict. J saw what was written in the notes that L had written to other girls behind her back, criticizing and saying horrible stuff about her. naturally hurt, J still made an attempt to bring L back, writing a letter which somewhat pleaded with L not to do what she was doing. i am but an observer. but what i saw as i sat diagonally opposite J today was L with a hardened look on a face essentially throwing down the letter J had written to her on the table, crumpled.

Y and i stared on both in shock and helplessness as J floundered for words and eventually ran out of class crying. thank goodness for the ever helpful teacher assistant danny talked to her. but of course when J reentered the classroom she rested her head on the table and her body shook with what we expected to be sobs. in a feeble attempt to help Y and i shook her lightly and tried to pass her tissue to dry her tears. rather, she let out a loud sob which shocked us both. but Y composed herself faster and asked to be excused and we both took her out where J stood crying and asking what she had done to deserve this.

i shall stop here since the point i was trying to get across should have been gotten across sufficiently by now and since this is boring you guys. but well.

xS dont be hypocritical i supposes. specially when making friends. dont. say one thing to them, but do another behind their back. oh well.

pooh

2006-06-05T21:16:00.000+08:00

pooh. by popular demand. i bring you - jose.

sniggers. hurh.

jose dont bite your lips.

and addie i shall be nice! you made your appearance ler dont let THE scandal take centre stage. and besides you helped me scold my daddy so i dont make you malu. xD

okay. so this is joseph tay. my earliest brother. i believe. first and crappiest. yes. the first. he's a rather nice guy who i just saw today who does things like go research on girls and then suddenly add them and like haha see i know your email addy guess how i know.

yes. so beware of him.

but he can still be quite a nice guy when he chooses to be. and though he's my first korkor he's still quite far away from me. maybe because our characters are like opposite. he's like bouncy happy. im like. depressing-sad. uh.

haha okays. josephhh tay

bryann

2006-06-04T14:58:00.000+08:00

laugh hor bryan and junyi you two horrible piggies

and shao im not used to calling people my phone bill's dying. wait. is ironic. okay whatever.

horh. i shall do bryan today. since he laughed. hahahaha.

there you have it. feminine he looks do you not agree. with his dear little hands on his lap. xD

haha. no. just teasing. he is hardly the feminine bimbo. he spends 3 minutes on his hair. or at least that's what he tells me though be honest i dont really believe him completely coz if it was just three minutes he wouldnt squeal so much when i try to flatten it.

but anyway. he's also a rather nice brother. who gets. too... serious about me being psychotic bouncy sometimes. and goes like "okayy...."haha.

he's nice. and he's more game about getting wet. xD hurh. though he has a pretty wild imagination about what people do underwater. snorts. but anyway. i forgot how he became my korkor. actually. but isnt it awfully fascinating?

he's very blurly sweet. in a nice way. and he gave me a lamb for my birthday.

yep. bryan. just bryan.

hurh.

2006-06-03T11:05:00.000+08:00

for shao:

Language Arts SIA
Chinese SIA 4th and 5th
Math Worksheet (which was due before school was out but. uh. i havent handed up)
zuo wen.
IH file in Term 3 week 1 (mostly reading material de la)

yeah. that's all the ones i recorded. might have more will reupdate if anything. and aiyoh you i just went out with chermy and the guys yesterday. ^^ i dont know i guess theres no way of contacting you BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER ONLINE you baka. xS

sighs. well.

and thank you jose for reminding me.

junyi ive edited it already ><>

hmmm. today's post... for my lovelyy adwyn korkor.

hahahaha.

there you go. princess extraordinaire. haha.

but anyway. i knew him from like last august when we had a really... bad first impression of each other.

but hurh maybe thanks to zheng xuan we got over our differences eventually. and besides we werent both people to hold looooong grudges. so he became my korkor. =)

and i know he's like my daddy's 'brother' and bestie. and confidant and sometimes he turns really really red for no reason (like lynette) but he's awfully sweet. yes. and when he doesnt smile he looks like he's going to kill people. okay maybe not so drastic. but. when he doesnt smile he looks really dao. but when he smiles (REFER UP) see he's so cute. ^^ hahahaha.

he's afraid of water too. ^_^ okay actually i dont think he is he just. doesnt like horribly dirty sea water. (so you see to get him wet we need lots of people to dunk him) and he's dangerous he has a black belt in like taekwondo or something but hurh he wont use it on girls he's too gentlemanly but that's no reason to bully him.

but anyway. he's not just good brother and good friend. he's also good in studies. and he's a pref. and a debater. tor. i dont know. xS and HE'S AFRAID OF HORROR! yay can go drag him out watch horror then he can try to bury his head in popcorn. haha. yeah. he makes me laugh sometimes and he's a very nice brother who lets me bully him alot too. yeah. so sweet right?

haha yes. so that's adwyn korkor for you. or. addie or adders or waddy or. WHATEVER you call him.

hurh.

2006-06-02T09:58:00.000+08:00

...-blink-

hurh.

okay anyway i woke up twice this morning because i decided to fall back to sleep upon reaching my grandmother's house because i simply felt like it. =)

but anyway.

it took me some time to recall korkor's blog addy and link him. ^^ because to put it simply i forgot the blog addy to begin with. but then i remembered. anyway.

hurh.

-blinks- okay now.

i am going out soon will probably be back like tonight with more crap but isnt that the joy in life - crap.

hurh. i feels so lame. but nevermind.

anyway.

thought id better redo something later. hurh. you'll see.

much love. byee~

-- and you said it was easier to forget. i disagreed. -- and im finding out again its not easier to forget. just easier to get by after i find out how to forget.

(hurh. yes confusing.) not meant for everyone to understand dont worry

DADDY.

2006-06-01T18:46:00.001+08:00

i did something awful stupid today. but.

-grins- you have to figure out what it is.

lets just. say. its something from january on another blog hosting thing. which has collected dust for 5 months and everyone is simply too stupid to see the picture. but i dont think its coz they're stupid the wind just blew it away with its. uh. -force hurhur.

now if you can guess. i say you're clever.

hurh.

now.

i should go and wash the conditioner thing out of my hair which i will go and do in a minute.

howeverrr... i thought i ought to mention this --

i love my daddy.

hurh.

i know that was random. now but hey i was always random.

and.

i appreciates the little things he's done for me. and made me smile for the last almost 12 months that

ive known him. <3

we've been through lots of ups and down and sharp left and right turns and even moving backwards like that horrible

scooby doo

ride in australia i took last last december.

but hey you know something?

yes. so today's post is all for your m'dear.

and those little things you've done for me and this be a

special reward

for you.

-hug-

hurh. i shall dedicate every post to someone or the other hurh.

hurh. would you like to know who's going to get the nextblog post?

no i wont tell you

today is for DADDY only. <3 my lovely daddy.

;; hide away.

2006-05-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

- im leaving on a jet plane; --but i'll never be back again

losing three. people. closest to me. and. its only the first week

and if you consider it collectively. it'd been more of. losing. 6.

and. its just. hurt. engulfing me.

disappointment.

maybe rejection.

but id be used to it anyway.

mortem- before death.

lonelyy; i am so lonelyy

2006-05-31T14:24:00.000+08:00

hurh. everytime after i clean my little boy cousin's filthy ears of earwax i always tell myself im never going to do this again. one because he keeps suddenly ouching and aahing and giving me a bloody fright because if i clean too deep in he might go deaf. and two because when i say his ears are filthy i MEAN they're filthy. goodness.

now. that established. then why am i the one doing it again anyway? maybe because i cannot tahan seeing his ears so horribly filthy. coz i get the idea it blocks up his ears and impairs his hearing. ah. well.

and take my word it doesnt help that his ears only get cleaned like once every 3 - 6 months because that's how often i go to my grandmother's house where he stays. or at least i need at least one week to remember that his ears have probably collected enough crap in it to need to be cleaned.

but anyway i feels sad. the world doesnt like me anymore! no one's online to talk to me! i shall go and wallow in my sorrow and loneliness.

disappointment.

2006-05-30T14:00:00.000+08:00

and its odd...

how you believe yourself to be able to trust in someone.

how you regard them as a friend... and maybe even respecting them very much

and you later only find out that they really couldnt care about you at all...

or maybe...

maybe that they think of you like you never thought they would think

like you enemies would think of you.

and to you. you probably wouldnt know who you are anyway

but in case you do. i am disappointed in you. you've betrayed my trust. lost my respect. and a lot else. well. i dont think it matters to you.

but you know ive proved you wrong. i dont eliminate faults. i dont selectively overlook them and pretend they dont exist. i just prefer to believe that like everyone. they have faults. and because everyone has faults they shouldnt be 'condemned' just because you think you're superior to them.

im the way i am maybe because i choose not to be like you. you think that i choose to overlook faults. you choose to highlight them. what's the difference. they're both extremes.

2006-05-30T10:45:00.000+08:00

hurh

sneezes my fever's getting better. ^^

hurh.

i dont know what else to say..

mask;

2006-05-29T20:49:00.000+08:00

my head hurts.

and my heart just hurts.

and i just want someone to understand.

what goes on inside

what's going on inside.

want someone to care

want someone to care enough to want to know.

holidays?

2006-05-28T10:07:00.000+08:00

^^ don't cha is such a weird song.

and then again axel f must be the weirdest.
but nevermind.

ohwell. the holidays have officially begun. and i already get this feeling that it isnt going to be very nice. ^^ i worry. xS -sighs- im taking pleasure in listening to weirded songs from 'bigger'. hrm.

sighs. i do wonder how i am going to live through the june holidays. at any rate if i die during the june holidays i'll be... uh. full of regrets that i didnt die happier. ironic is it not? how people are usually happy during the holidays when there's lesser schoolwork. no need to face teachers or fall asleep in class and risk getting scolded or woken up. ^^ or worry about late assignments and tests. and. guh. i dont know.

maybe school's like my escape... xS from experience. holidays are never pleasurable for me. or at least. holidays when i dont get to go out with my friends. not that i dont but there's essentially no one to go out with. or at least when there IS someone then i have something on. and my only escape presently is having both ear with earphones in them to block out some of the stuff i dont wish to hear. how long it can remain there is another thing though ^^

sighs.

hurh.

2006-05-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

hurh. its not THE END yet. it's only halfway through. reminds me of the last day at obs when we were all sad about having to leave.. and doing jetty jump and boon wee said something like "sometimes you're afraid to take the first step but you need to have the courage to take that step..."

i dont want to move past the june holidays....

hurrrrh

2006-05-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

did i mention huggable?

its good for a guy to be huggable you know.

gives the protection there. xD

hurrhhurrh.

party in august?

hurrh.

2006-05-25T20:22:00.000+08:00

okay while im waiting for my daddy to come back from far off timbuktu.

i shall do this.

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this "game" and leave a comment on their blog
.4. If you are tagged the SECOND time, there's no need to go this again.
5. The most important thing: HAVE FUN DOING IT! (:
hurrh.

actually hor what exactly are you asking. lover is more of um. COUGH. that kind of.. lover. in bed. thing. boyfriend and lover are technically two different things. people. whatever. more often than never they're the same guy but sometimes... COUGH. yeah.

im monogamous mind you. i believe humans were made to me monogamous.

hurrh. i am inclined to putting 'daddy' for everything but that would be silly but. okay. and i want a GUY. a MALE. -sneeeezes- is catching cold BUT I WANT A MALE.

1) let's start with the basic.
respect. okay i want a guy who... respects me. yeah. dont want him to treat me like... i dont know... a crazed bunny... ^^ but yeah. xD

2) hurrh. needless to say. love. i dont expect my 'lover' to love me like those kind of crazy "oh id die if i lose you" kind of love but... i dont know. i expect him to love me... muchly... or at least enough for him to want to make me happy... hurrh..

3) honour. our commitment to each other. i wont nitpick here. but i dont really take to *some* commitment phobes who go around telling girls they like them but never really living up to it.... or even seeming like they like them i guess maybe i think those are just cowards but that isnt really the point is it?

4) honesty. DADDY ARH CANNOT LIE TO ME. hmmm. i supposes i expect the guy who claims to love me to never lie to me... i supposes everyone has their secrets but if its something really bad even an affair i suppose id rather hear it from his own mouth rather than from someone else's... and id rather he tell me when he's unhappy with the things i do than to hide it all.

5) doting. hurrh. do little things to see me happy... cheer me up when im down. laugh with me... angst and tell me he needs a hug... i dont know. little things couples do i supposes. im like a little baby who needs to be pampered trust me you can ask my korkors they make me cry sometimes. "cry". but other times im like a mommy figure who wants to love and dote on MY little babies. hurrrh. im a weird kid.

6) ~~bouncy~~ fun loving &friendly. then we can do silly things like go down to the beach with our friends and play monkey in the sea and die from half drowning from trying to get the ball. oh and of course join forces and threaten to strip people like adwyn (half naked) so he wouldnt get his one and only shirt dirty from playing in the sea. hurrh. but of course sometimes we need to remember adwyn has a what... black belt? something like that.

7) patient. HURRH. daddy is always patient with me somehow. he's not half as patient with anyone else. see IMSPECIAL. but anyway. im a very demanding little baby as i said so yeah. my 'lover' would need to be quite patient if not he's just explode from my ridiculousness and unreasonable-ness in no time.

8) hmmm. last one... hmmm. im tempted to say good in bed. but then again that doesnt make sense because i wouldnt know until after [our] wedding. so... hurrh. i dont know. understanding. yeah. its not everyday you meet someone understanding towards you and your moods and who is also expected to be there 24/7. so... xD

shall not tag no one to save them the agony

hmmm. i cant wait for my daddy extraordinaire to come home! hurrh. yay we have smbo tomorrow and we're like press pressing buttons so cool heh

DADDYYY!

hurhur.

2006-05-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm. DADDY IS BACK TOMORROW! TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW!!!! -SQUEALS DELIGHTEDLY-

okay

replies to tags

jose: nice try. but no. i dont feel guilty enough to do either of that.

THEisaac: um. hurhur. i just like calling you that sounds nice doesnt it?

holdingon.

2006-05-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

dont you sometimes feel that you're going to fall...

but the thought of someone...

a single person... sometimes people...

the thought can hold you up and-

help you last through anything...

--i need to feel that way now.
im just going to break and fall soon..

oo_o_o_o

2006-05-23T18:28:00.000+08:00

hurhur went out with cherm&glo&shao&bryan&THEisaac.

how fun.

today's been a comparatively fun yet dull day. but CAN YOU IMAGINE i'll be missing the rest of I&E from 9 something onwards on friday so that i can like do scoreboard for laoshi. hurhur. xD i tell you i cant tahan I&E anymore okay not that its not interesting or what but. xS am just getting tired of it.

WO_OLIE KORKOR ARE YOU QUITE OKAY YOU HAVENT BEEN IN SCHOOL SO LONG IM GETTING SERIOUSLY WORRIED PLEASE REPLY WHEN YOU SEE THIS OKAY!!

-- i miss my daddy.

but anyway. hurhur. have NEOPRINTS. its amazing we finally forced bryan&THEisaac into the neoprint place though they were struggling to escape. AND SHAO TOO because aparently she was in uniform. but they were awful nice eventually i shall upload here so you can laugh. but nevermind. bryan is nice okay.

but anyway. i supposes isaac is nice. nicer than. -cough- some other people at least. but i suppose the thing that strikes me most about him is his... good naturedness. if anything.

i still keep thinking joel looks like marcus tan. xS i dont know why.

but anyway. -bounces happily- im learning to buy better presents [forgirls] im still killing brain wondering what to buy for bryan's birthday. then addie's birthday... then qianwei's. hmmm. -checks calendar- someone tell me when's gabriel's birthday again?

ohwell. PICTURES LATER!

comeback;;

2006-05-22T18:11:00.000+08:00

only two words keep popping back up into my min continuously now...

...come back... ;_;

-weary sigh- it hasnt even been an hour yet... and my heart is filling with more dread than ever. i dont think you've even left singapore yet... and i miss you already...

isnt it awful funny how sometimes we dont realize how utterly dependent we are on someone until they leave for some [not very] far off land and you just want them to come back and hold you up again.... all im feeling now is... sorrow... and the lump at the back of my throat... im willing myself not to cry... i promised you i wouldnt... right...?

no actually i didnt promise i wouldnt cry... but i wont... because we want each other to both be happy...... please be safe... its raining outside now maybe the sky's crying with me again...sighs. please take care of yourself... when you go into the cave of sorts and do all sorts of funny things which are positively dangerous. please take care... coz if you break your promise that you'll come back safe i wont forgive you... i really wont...

i love you...

it costs $$$

2006-05-21T15:43:00.000+08:00

hurhur.

i am so high-maintenance its amazing my mommy doesnt just kill me off.

but then again she was the one who kept changing hair salons.

i went to kimage prestige for my haircut + wash + blow + treatment + soft straightening. in other words i mildly rebonded it. it cost 200 plus. according to my mom. including special shampoo which i bet will not retain the straightness & smoothness of my hair anyway. but i likes it.

and then she got me sims2 university my second expansion pack man i want to bug rachel out. xD i only have nightlife left. which is just basically seducing people in bars in the middle of the night and turning up the next day at work grouchy and pissed off.

but i hate the time warp they use in sims2.

like when i do sims2open for business. at business time it can be 10pm at night. okay i decide close shop its time to go home and sleep. wonderful. and then when i return home? its 3pm in the afternoon when i left the house. _ _ coughs. i wonder.

but anyway. am looking forward to university i get to go on probation without worries! xD

how fun.

what else did my mommy and i buy hmm. OH YEAH we went to adidas at the cathay cineplex or something like that and i got my baby boy cousin his early birthday present which is like those mini soccer balls. it cost 19 dollars. i paid for it myself okay not my mommy pay. and then i got a new bag because my mom liked the design so i thought okay why not. so i have a new bag. and then she bought a new shoebag which is like PRETTY!!! -hyperventilates-

not that she's going to let me get my hands on it its like a pale beige if i touch it she has this idea it'll turn like all sorts of unnaturally dirty colours. thus.

heh.

hurhurhur

2006-05-19T21:52:00.000+08:00

hrmm...

should i be worried? should i not be worried? under any circumstances i should pass. even if barely. but nevermind. i ought to feel terrible that my korkors are doing so superbly muchly well and im down here like struggling to pass. i dont like ny. xS

but neverminds. i shall not worry until i get like the average next week. oddly enough. i should get a higher average than last year i dont know why considerin my marks look so much worse. but well. i hate the way they calculate average this year. i mean. average means... average right? i mean why take like 1.5 or 2 values and confuse us all.

anyway. i met bryan & michaelchang at the hc bus stop today. O_O i admit i was a bit um. the incoherent. but maybe i shouldnt have exclaimed "my goodness you're taller than me" when i met bryan today. heh. with rachel.

hmmm. acsi guy and hci guy all in. like. 5 minutes. i wonder what the people at the bus stop must have been thinking. but OHWELL i gave lynette her birthday present and i already got mishy's present though it has nothing to do with. uh. the anime characters she so dearly loves but i know not what they are.

um. i was going to say something.

OHYEAH

my hydrochloric acid korkors are back from OBS! elisha says his face looks like justice bao. i should think its the tanned-ness of it. -sniggers- i told them to bring sunscreen. or they'll end up with swollen lips like rachel when they got sunburnt and everyone wa laughing at her and lynette coz they looked funny with. um. banana lips! xDD haha i am evils. -- i miss OBS again... and boonwee... xS ohwells OBS!! is fun.

i made a startling discovery today at the bus stop when a form all but leaped at me and started hugging me till my back was going to die. that horrid kid TIFFANY TAY is in NJC and she didnt tell me the horrible girl. and then she saw me at the bus stop today and practically strangled the life out of me hugging me. -is amused- hr friends looked afraid. of her. ~~come on im such a wonderful & sweet looking girl who would be afraid of me. -cough-~~

but anyway. FLAG DAY TOMORROW COME SUPPORT!

much love. BYE

scarecrow ;; fake

2006-05-17T15:02:00.000+08:00

hmm. im home early for a change!

usually im never home this early because i either have something on. OR. i just kill off all the time ~~because my maid like takes forever to come and meet me at tpc~~ so i just wait. and reach home at like 4 plus nearly 5. heh.

but okay. i want to like. use today to catch up on all undone homework. including xue er!!!! xS which im glad laoshi hasnt like killed me for not handing up yet! but anyway. uhm. what else was i going to say? ohyes. what other homework have i? ehhhh. DANG'AN! which i have two more pieces too. hehh! xD im a very good girl okay i do my dang'an. and then have to finish like LA presentation by tomorrow. -scratch head- and math worksheet by like friday okay now that i look at it its like so much. xS i am scared.

hmmmm. im hungry.

hmmm. -grins- i want to do scoreboard for laoshi next friday at SMBO! i shall tell msseb that i cant do ushering under ES because i want to do SCOREBOARD. because i tell you SCORE BOARD is DEFINITELY more fun than ushering okay. you get to sit down and press buttons rather than stand around telling people where to sit when they like already know anyway. but anyway. shall tell her tomorrow when i like submit my election form... -cough- for ES elections, i mean. i owe alot of ES work im surprised she hasnt like kachaoed me for them yet. xD

but. anyway.

I WANT TO DO SCOREBOARD.

...

;;memento mori

2006-05-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

nevermind

[like tears from those weary eyes that close for the last time]

...she'd cried out for someone to protect her
but no one heard her cry...
she'd hoped against hope someone would save her
but even hope grows dimmer...
and she thought you'd always be there to protect her
she soon realized she was wrong...
as the sun set she called one last time.
but it was so in vain and -
the tears flowed freely from her eyes

but they soon stopped...
and they never fell again...

she'd been worn out the hundredth time
and no one was there though she needed them...
she'd believed; but that turned to disbelief
- before she left forever.
she'd loved; but love turned to hurt
- and tore her apart before it was over
she'd tried to be brave;
- but her fight was soon over

and everyone would think she died happy
even with -
red slashes they saw only when they
found her body in the mud...
swollen eyes stared coldly at them
those that they always thought were always happy
tears stains around her eyes
which she always cleaned off so you didnt see
runny nose which was always flu
-but really meant she'd cried a day

for there was a smile on her face
that looked like... was it happiness again?
perhaps it was, happiness
at being released from the shackles of
life. and the emotions she used to feel.
or perhaps it was just. a smile
that. took her away to Heaven as she
saw her life flash before her again.

the live cannot know what it is like
to die.
and the dead can never be live again
to tell.

the words: memento mori
remember-
-you will die.

; five hundred miles away from home

2006-05-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

[and you know it isnt exactly true that it is better to have loved and lost; than to not have loved at all]

i dont really know what to blog about now. school is just... well... a dreary haze.

[and. i feel daoed by alot of people. for. reasons. i dont know. i feel daoed]

and you know sometimes even in school its like there's so many people around you whom you [seem like you] can talk to but you really cant at all sometimes. maybe its just the general school things. the way the people around you are just filled with this general apathy... and you know sometimes maybe they do care but for some *unknown* reason they dont seem like they do. i dont know. -sits back-

i guess sometimes the way people treat you does screw you over. a lot. especially if you have a tendency to be close to... them. i dont know. or perhaps im just too. like. easily affected? i cant really decide sometimes... just the way i get all confused and stuff and... like that. you know.

but i really hate it quite a fair deal. the way people. seem to treat me so nice sometimes. and at other times they just. well. DAO. i mean. well. it doesnt always have to be that way right? -blinks-

nevermind. i dont suppose you'd know who i was referring to anyway. or. the who[s] should i say...

well. -coughs- im getting a sore throat. and i should go and do xue er now...

[you feel like more than a million miles away though you're right here by my side; maybe its just not meant to be]

God Bless all my HCI korkors now who are suffering in the sweltering heat of pulau ubin down at OBS though OBS rocks despite the sun i hope they brought sunblock or else they'll come back looking quite. badly tanned. especially if they're burnt.

sighs;; TsT is so TRASHY

2006-05-14T19:32:00.000+08:00

snorts.

i hate TsT if anything. newspaper. go figure. like. would they stop printing stuff about bgrs already? because when they do my mom begins demonstrating a fine example of influence. and sets her off nagging her now... and screws up my mind and causes me to be unable to do xue er zuo wen. which is already TWO DAYS OVERDUE so would they just stop printing such trash already do you have NO COW SENSE or nothing better to print?! ~~singapore paper writers are becoming so trashy.~~ like evidently teenagers are the only stupid ones when like adults are having so many AFFAIRS my goodness. xS

~~would she please be quiet now?~~

sighs. head is throbbing. might have caught the terrible virus or bacteria or something from my dad who's been sick for about 14 days now? -snorts- shall go like put ice on my forehead and hope it gets better. xS

;ppphotos

2006-05-13T10:36:00.000+08:00

SNIGGERS.
i had a party yesterday. it was fun. even though i looked like i was going to drown. everytime. we went swimming so much my lips later felt... wrinkly from all the salt and all. so i was. xS haha but we had fun

haha. zhengxuan and bryan play soccer while shao liicks her little finger.
i think this was after we'd come out of the water the first time.

junyi is lonely.

shao eating a mango cake with her hands since we had neither plates nor napkins nor A KNIFE.

it started raininng
so we went....
to pastamania.

HE HIDES.
HE DUCKS...

HE TRIES TO SHOOT!

they all succummbed to THE PRINCESS. xD

adwyn poses.
jun yi hides.
zheng xuan is out of view

and everyone ducks
while bryan is unaware.

bryan subconsciously poses...
jun yi... uh. i dont know...
adwyn hides his face in humiliation. xD

zheng xuan is unaware!

WHOOOPS.
zhengxuan spots the camera
while adwyn poses again
and junyi is oblivious...

haha we had fun.

haha camerawhores

2006-05-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

i had an awesome birthday party today! wish my other korkors could have come too though... hmmm...but nevermind. understandable all the way in sentosa abit difficult. xD

-squeals- birthdaypresents!

i like! xD im TEH princess. from ADWYN&JUNYI&SAMUEL! YAY!

from SHAOWIE! bearyhip.com! xD is furry. i think they conditioned its fur

FUNKYY earrings. from ADWYN&JUNYI&SAMUEL too!!! is so funky contribute to my small earring collection!

from WO_OLIE KORKOR. the second TY toy she's given me! the first was a scorpion for venomous biting. now is chewing....

haha from JOSE. smileyyy it rolled down the steps leading to the TCHS founder. xD i rescued it before it escaped onto the track

froggy! from MANDYYY! is so cute!!!!! although its webbed feet at the back are turned the wrong way. doesnt it just look and FEEL squishy already?!?!?!

o.O from AMOS. i have found my joy in life!

from BRYAN! its snuggly! and warm! and furry! and wooly! and i fell asleep on the train hugging it coz it was the comfiest thing around i could find.

hehheh. this post is long shall do another post for the actual events! lala babies!

ANDAND

CAMERAWHORES! adwyn and zheng xuan have found their true calling!
AT PASTAMANIA!

; empty hole within me

2006-05-11T20:16:00.000+08:00

[do you love me only because i want you to...?]

sportsmeet'06. saw elisha. both michaels. and jose. most of the time just jose. and his friend. i forgot his name already. xS david? i dunno. something like that. oh but he was considerate enough to ask if i wanted milo when jose and him went to get some. (i then spilt milo on my white skirt. but nevermind)

and teachers race was cool (&scary) tcl & chewy!!! *gasp* haha well. and then nanyang STILL got first place for the other 8 x 40m race. first and last. but nevermind. we still maintained our continuous winning for. dont know how many years. xD but before the race LKB was ~~fraternizing~~ talking to his competitor. and shaking hands. -blinks- he looks super funny when he runs. um. well.

took off to j8 after sportsmeet. and then ate at swensens... did some shopping. yeah. never felt so tired from shopping before i dont know why. -sighs- well.

and you know its only one day after my birthday but its a bad feeling of awfulness. i cant quite describe it. [sunset] you make me feel awful you know. in more ways than just one [blocking out the silence] how long more can i live through with this [take me away] i guess i can still hold on a little longer [its just a while away]

loveness.

2006-05-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

i feels happy today. xD

i got presents! and birthday wishes.

xD

and yesterday we went to turf city to accompany laorens. who were so cute. thankGOODNESS for cK who could speak hokkien to the ahma. because i cant speak a single word of hokkien my goodness. xS and then cK made fun of me by speaking to the laoren in hokkien saying that i cant speak hokkien. hmpph. I WILL LEARN HOKKIEN! and then go find the laoren and take her shopping again. she's so cute la! reminded me and cK of our grannies. =) -sniffle- and she kept insisting on paying and neither of us to get it through to her that she didnt have to pay. so eventually we got laoshi and laoshi took her by the arm and half dragged her away and then cK and i paid for the food (which exceeded the $10 budget by about $4 which we paid for we didnt mind) yay. xD

haha. SENTOSA!

life.

2006-05-08T21:29:00.000+08:00

xS -is tremendously tired-

ooh we have CIP with aunties&uncles tomorrow we're bringing them SHOPPING!

heh. uh. wells. -blinks-

i feels like i have nothing to say.

um. one of my brackets dropped out? -blinks-

i dunno.

we had uh. sex-education today. it was. awful funny. never seen a woman so direct about it. "sex is pleasurable [im married you can count on me when i say sex is pleasurable]..." um. graphics were kind of bad. specially genital warts. -no it wasnt funny that it was mostly male um. genitals. but of course. the focus being um. the warts and sores and... yeah.- andand. uh. "after sex there's a lot of cleaning up to do. there's vaginal discharge (count the letters sam korkor now you know what the 7 and 9 letter word that i was referring to that time at Memoirs) and pre-ejaculation fluid..." heh i think i should stop now. i ought to be grossing quite a few of you out. xD

-DAOS-

2006-05-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

GOAWAY.

i dont like all of you

you are all hiding something from me

including daddy

i dont want all of you anymore

i shall dao everyone who knows until i find out.

HMPH

when i say -begins- your daoing term has started

including daddy!